Premier League Royal Rumble: How all 20 managers would fare in WWE

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It's the question that's been keeping you up at night, the burning debate that makes you existential about life itself... who would win in a Royal Rumble of Premier League managers?

I know, so relatable, right?

Well, ahead of the WWE's genuine event this weekend, we've been inspired by talkSPORT to tackle that very conundrum that has perplexed philosophers and thinkers for millennia.

That's because they've hypothesised on what would happen if all 20 head coaches from England's top division were to jump in the ring and slug it out with one another.

Would Jose Mourinho break Pep Guardiola's ribs? Would Nigel Pearson have Sean Dyche screaming for his mother? Will Daniel Farke fall to the canvas as well as the Championship?

Premier League Royal Rumble

Well, these are the big questions we'll be debating here, so we're showcasing the original order and some added twists of our own to imagine how the final result would play out.

So, without further ado, grab your nearest four-leaf clover and keep your fingers crossed that the manager of the team you support will be crowned the Royal Rumble champion.

Burnley v Leicester City - Sky Bet Championship

Early exits

Graham Potter

Finisher: A Two-Hour Lecture On Literature

Look, there's a great tactical brain behind those eyes, but nobody is going to be quaking in their boots when Potter is trotting across the canvas in a pair of blue and white speedos.

Potter is an avid reader with two degrees, so tries to lull his rivals into a sedentary state by teaching them about literary devices, but it usually ends with him being snapped in half like a bread stick.

AFC Bournemouth v Brighton & Hove Albion - Premier League

Frank Lampard

Finisher: Late Arrival Into The Box

Lampard is all brains and little brawn, we're afraid, so you can expect him to fall short of a title challenge this early in his career and especially with such a youthful team in his corner.

But when things go right for Lampard, you can expect him to sprint down the runway, dive between the ropes and chuck his opponents over the ring for a smash-and-grab finish from deep.

FBL-ENG-PR-TOTTENHAM-CHELSEA

Daniel Farke

Finisher: The Relegator

Sorry, Daniel, but you're following the trajectory of your team in real life and they'll be little sympathy when you're thrown over the ropes in your first appearance back.

We're sure that Farke will take some tips from footballer-turned-wrestler Grant Holt, though, and beware of defeat to the German, because it's guaranteed relegation if that's the case.

When you're on the receiving end of Farke's finisher, you fly out the ring with a P45 that even a parachute payment won't soften the blow of.

FBL-ENG-PR-MAN UTD-NORWICH

Dean Smith

Finisher: John Terry

You might be a hometown hero, Dean, but there's no chance you're going far in a Royal Rumble.

We're talking about a wrestler with limited experience at the top, a reliance on major funding during his camp - as well as one particular coach called Jack - and calling upon Terry to risk disqualification by sliding in for a right old scrap.

FBL-ENG-PR-ASTON VILLA-MAN CITY

Eddie Howe

Finisher: Callum Wilson

Howe is simply too nice to cause any damage in the world of wrestling. He'd be shaking hands with his opponents while they turned his face as cherry coloured as the Bournemouth kits.

By the time some of the bigger coaches are slipping through the ropes, he'll look as small as the Vitality Stadium and will be screaming to tap in Wilson for some sort of end product.

Norwich City v AFC Bournemouth  - Premier League

Middle of the pack

Roy Hodgson

Finisher: The Owl Obliterator 

Underestimate 'The Big Hodge' at your peril. Plus, he has Harry Kane in his corner.

This veteran of the game is incredibly organised with his tactics and has been around the block more than enough to smash some of his younger adversaries.

You can just imagine Hodgson clattering Howe or Lampard in mid-air like Scott Dann meeting a corner and then quietly whispering in their ear: "you're getting relegated" as his tagline.

Crystal Palace v West Ham United - Premier League

David Moyes

Finisher: The Chosen One

Look, you don't want to get into a street fight with Moyes, that's for sure. This Scottish animal won't be thrown out of the ring without an absolute battle, unless it's staged in Sunderland, that is.

So you can expect Evander Holyfield to suffer PTSD from watching the amount of biting and fouling that will come from this hammering Hammer on the canvas.

His finisher comes in the form of blessing from Sir Alex Ferguson himself, but it's questionably effective - it involves a Belgian afro - and tends to wear off after about eight months.

West Ham United v Everton FC - Premier League

Jose Mourinho

Finisher: None

Mourinho is just there to survive. The 'Special One' simply stands in the corner of the ring in the hope that his adversaries will tire themselves out until he can grab the victory with a late smash-and-grab.

Arriving to the arena in a decked-out bus, Mourinho is never far from landing his signature eye-poke and will probably blame Paul Pogba if he doesn't come out on top.

But the Portuguese rarely has an end product and his best days are long behind him, so expect his old-fashioned ways to be exposed and his corner team to become completely disillusioned.

Tottenham Hotspur v Liverpool FC - Premier League

Brendan Rodgers

Finisher: The Character Cannon 

How ever you think Rodgers would perform in the world of WWE, you just know he'll show great character.

In fact, he's believed to man-manage his opponents into a false sense of security and then bring the rug out from underneath them with a slipping move that Steven Gerrard would be proud of.

But when the chips are down, he'll implode like 'Crystanbul', especially when Fabio Borini and Mario Balotelli are on his coaching staff.

FBL-ENG-PR-LEICESTER-WEST HAM

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer

Finisher: The Super Sub-mission

Being completely out of his depth makes Solskjaer a dangerous animal and the 'Baby-Faced Assassin' can often be effective when deployed late on, even though his inconsistent form lets him down.

He's constantly trying to emulated 'Big Man Fergie', the greatest wrestler of all time, and can often take down bigger fighters when he gambles on young, untested cornermen. 

However, you can expect his fans to absolutely slaughter him on social media during the Rumble itself and there's repeated speculation that he'll be sacked by the company.

FBL-ENG-PR-MAN UTD-BURNLEY

Steve Bruce

Finisher: Angel Of Death Of The North

GIVEMESPORT sources confirm that 'The Big Show' has posters of Bruce slapped across every square-inch of his bedroom and the underrated Toon boss is an absolute beast in the ring.

His style might not be attractive, but he gets the job done and his head-butt is enough to floor a horse. 

That being said, he's not in the same shape of his early career and stamina proves an issue when faced with some of the tougher managers whose chin can cope with that equalising right hand.

FBL-ENG-PR-NEWCASTLE-LEICESTER

Jurgen Klopp

Finisher: The Gegenpress

Releasing Klopp into the ring is like unleashing a bull that you've spent 10 hours waving a red cloth at. 

We can already imagine the Liverpool boss throwing a frenzy of punches that will have Deontay Wilder sweating and don't get us started on his 'Heavy Metal Footwork' to avoid the biggest blows.

Nevertheless, Klopp is sometimes guilty of bottling it during the final stages and he won't be able to call upon his tag-team partner Virgil van Dijk, who went through WrestleMania without suffering a single takedown.

Wolverhampton Wanderers v Liverpool FC - Premier League

Nuno Espirito Santo 

Finisher: Portuguese Man o’ War

With an all-star coaching team drafted from his native Portugal, Santo has been backed all the way to the top of wrestling and will tangle up plenty of coaches with his tentacles on the canvas.

Santo is certainly a European standard of wrestler, he just needs more time at the top level to truly put himself in contention for a title. 

FBL-ENG-PR-SOUTHAMPTON-WOLVES

Contenders

Ralph Hasenhuttl

Finisher: Danny Ings, probably

Like The Undertaker, Hassenhuttl has risen from the dead in recent months and is ready to land a 'Tombstone' on the teams that gave him a slapping around earlier in the season.

However, the Saints boss has been relying on his finisher to heal those old wounds and simply being as tough as nails isn't good enough when the big punchers are landing heavy shots.

Crystal Palace v Southampton FC - Premier League

Chris Wilder

Finisher: Bramall Pain

This man has seen it all. There's no new tactic that you can try on Wilder that will surprise him, because this bloke has been in countless scraps and has lived to tell the tale.

Whereas some of his rivals have been fast-tracked straight to WWE, Wilder has earned his stripes through the lower divisions where weapons and furniture are thrown around like a riot at IKEA.

But that does mean that his inexperience shows at times and his advancing age means he can gas out after grinding away for more than a few minutes.

FBL-ENG-PR-SHEFFIELD UTD-MAN CITY

Sean Dyche

Finisher: Turf War

With a throat full of worms and gravel, the mere sound of Dyche's voice is going to unnerve some of the Premier League's finest and he's not afraid to use dirty tactics in order to bag the win.

You can expect Dyche to go completely off script by grabbing tables, ladders and chairs to overcome superior tactics with brute force and crack skulls like they're made of Pringles.

Sadly for the Burnley manager, though, this frenzied style doesn't work with everybody and there's a select few competitors who can take him to the trenches with their very own anarchism.

FBL-ENG-PR-BURNLEY-LEICESTER

Pep Guardiola

Finisher: Tiki-Whacker

Ah, the genius himself. Guardiola is such a student of the fight game that he can see your punches before you've even thrown them and could get himself out a submission while wearing handcuffs.

Possession is the key for the City man, clinching with his opponents for long periods of time, before unleashing an absolute thrashing that breaks records for most punches thrown.

But as soon as his funding runs out or his methods are challenged, Guardiola implodes quicker than his title defence and he'll probably give the referee an earful in the process.

Manchester City v Manchester United - Premier League

Carlo Ancelotti

Finisher: The Eyebrow Raise

Ancelotti has enjoyed success everywhere he's gone in his career, but his old age has meant that such an attacking style of wrestling has seen him take an increasing amount of knockout blows.

Underestimate his finisher at your peril, though, because Ancelotti has been said to lift his competitors so high that they land on the canvas with a nose bleed and snow on their scalp.

Everton FC v Newcastle United - Premier League

Winner

Nigel Pearson

Finisher: Head In The Sand

You know those sand-dwelling ostriches he was on about in 2015? Rumour has it Pearson shoved their heads there with his bare hands in the heat of the African savannah.

That, and the fact Pearson is a man who once fought off a pack of wolves by gouging one of their eyes out... and that's not even one of our jokes.

The Watford boss will be throwing coaches out of the ring like they're training ground cones and bones will be shattered when his uppercuts fly higher than his teams up the league table.

No matter who you throw at him, you just know they're going to leave the ring looking like they've been attacked by the very wolves that Pearson subdued.

Aston Villa v Watford FC - Premier League

GIVEMESPORT's Kobe Tong says

I feel like my IQ has halved just by imagining that scenario, but don't pretend as though you wouldn't buy the pay-per-view if it actually went down. You know you would.

The Premier League has its fair share of managers who played in an era where football were more rough and tumble, so would certainly hold their own in the world of wrestling.

However, I've got to question the decision to rate Hodgson and Ancelotti as highly as talkSPORT have (and yes, I am taking it this seriously). 

Liverpool v Chelsea - Premier League

At 72 and 60 years old respectively, they could probably do without Pearson and Dyche running at them with one hand balled into a clenched first and a steel chair in the other.

And on that note, I need a lie down similar to the one Hodgson would be taking when the first punch landed. It's probably safer on the canvas, Roy.

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